today

i am deeply dissatisfied with my employment. there is no excitement to complete a project or even begin something new. this used to provide at least a small amount of pleasure. this is also deeply unsettling. i bide my time each day. it is only 1:10 p.m., and i feel a very real sense of dread to spend the remainder of the day in such a fashion as i have just described. i did not go out to lunch with coworkers due to a deficiency in funds. i ate at my desk. my desk. it is quite disheveled and could use a good cleaning. but, then we are back to the dissatisfaction. the primary side effect of the dissatisfaction is lethargy. i do because i must not because i love or feel a connection to. the veritable life is being both literally and metaphorically extracted from within me. what am i to do, you ask. this haunting question follows me like a new puppy desiring love. i do not, however, want to pay it any attention. yet on the other hand i cannot help but think of it constantly. the weight of my confliction is becoming most unbearable.

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